July review

July was a nice month. Haven't done the volume goal (way less hands), but winrate goal yes, exceed the numbers proposed. I had a sick 3 ptBB/100 .

Profit:

Winnings : 3255$
Fpp value: 790$
VIP stellar rewards: 200$
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Total: 4245$

Big decision

I just made a big decision with my life and poker. I am going to make 200k VPPs by the end of the year. I've made all the calculation and this will be equivalent with 800 VPPs /day and between 5-6 of actual play playing 16-20 tables. I will post in every week where am I , if I am ahead or behind the goal. I will try to be always ahead. Of course my goals for the month stay there. If I achieve this goal I will earn only from rackback 1860$ in average every month.

Not playing but tilting

This month I didn't in much volume just because I had graduation exams , but when I decided to play I was very incredibly highly tilted . Today, though I win 200$ , I was tilted. I guess that this happens because I was running hot for the end of the last month and I always expect to win? Can't understand my behavior when playing . I have no control over my body , over my thoughts and over my language . It seems like it's not me anymore and this is very annoying. I keep repeating during the session that my self control is very important otherwise I will not be able to achieve my goals ,but in vain. I just keep saying "unbelievable" even when everyone folds when I have a big hand. 
I want to be able to play one entire month without tilting because when I'm playing that kind of volume I could be playing it's impossible not to win at the end of the month more money than average salaries from my poor country. So why making my life and my job so hard ? I really can't understand myself.